SAYING NO – BEING ASSERTIVE (PART 1)

From my previous blog on assertiveness, you might have assessed your nature and figured out if you are passive, aggressive or assertive. If you stand on either side of the continuum, then this blog will be more helpful in learning to be assertive.

Saying ‘NO’

Many of  you  have difficulty in saying ‘NO’ to others. You might end up saying ‘YES’ to things or situations that you really don’t want to engage in. This can happen to people who are assertive in many situations too. This doesn’t mean that you should say ‘NO’ in all situations. It may not be appropriate. But on the other hand, saying ‘YES’ to something you want to do might be appropriate in some situations.

For example: In a work situation, if your boss assigns you to a project in which you don’t really want to be, it wouldn’t be appropriate to practice your assertiveness and say ‘NO’. To begin with there are other situations where you might end up saying ‘YES’ like, when your friend ask you to do something or go with them somewhere which is a real inconvenience for you but still you agreed or when you find yourself volunteering for all sorts of job for others and wound up over-loaded.

Before we discuss further, you should understand that there is nothing wrong in saying yes, doing favors or taking up responsibilities for others. But if you are doing all these just because you can’t say ‘NO’ or don’t know how to do so, then it should be addressed.

When you can’t say ‘NO’…

IF YOU SAY ‘YES’ WHEN YOU REALLY MEAN ‘NO’

• You might experience anger and resentment  towards the other person (with whom you couldn’t be assertive).
• You become increasingly frustrated and disappointed with yourself.
• If you can’t cope, you might become over-worked and more stressed.
• Your low self-esteem might result in depression or anxiety

IF YOU CAN SAY ‘NO’ BUT IF YOU ARE AGGRESSIVE

• Others might dis-like you and become resentful or frustrated with you

Both of this is not good for our healthy communication.

Next blog – Beliefs and Thoughts associated with saying ‘NO’

Sources

• http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/Assertmodule%206.pdf
• http://www.cpft.nhs.uk/Downloads/Martin/Assertiveness%20Manual.pdf